I Can Only Be Alice
by Kara De'Valentine
Summary: After the battle for the Queensland was decided, Alice also made a decision to stay in wonderland and be beside the man she loves. But now Alice is unsure if she had made the right decision. He had loved the new Queen, and she does bare a striking resemblance to Alice. Can a mad man discern the two in his uncertain mind?. One shot. light lemon.


A/N: I wrote this one a long time ago, I was always a shipper of Older Alice and the Mad Hatter. I don't know it made sense to me, She was always so curious about everything and He was simply mad yet he always had some kind of wonderland logic that would answer her curiosity. at least that's how I saw it. I hope you enjoy this story I tweaked the writing style from when I was a teenager. I'm writing my other Alice story still aswell, I haven't abandoned it, I just got really busy and didn't have the time to write for fun. anywhosies I hope you enjoy this story please review it for me… and check out my other stories too :)

Only the soft flickering of the fireplace lit the tiny cottage room. It had been day time only moments ago but the passing of time was as uncertain as Alice's heart. Staying was never the mistake, she hadn't a tremendous amount of love to go back to. Her father would work tirelessly at the university while her mother would work tirelessly on her nerves. Harry, Lorina and Edith had long since left the Liddell mansion - All finding happiness in the arms of another. Alice hadn't had that; Her abrupt manner of speaking and forever wondering brain has stopped any man from holding a second conversation with her. That was fine by her though, She had never desired a man whose only goal seemed to be her pretty face anyway. Seen but not heard was often a phrase she had heard thrown around dinner parties when the men thought no one was listening. On one occasion a particularly nameless man had obnoxiously told a room full of drunken alumni that the perfect women didn't need a mouth or an opinion just the right parts for the bedroom, Alice was twelve then and didn't understand fully what the man had meant- But the very manner had offended her anyway. Now at twenty two she understood perfectly. Not only had that man been rude and misogynistic but he had been quite vile too.

She sighed as stared out the crooked window onto the onsetting dusk. She had always enjoyed the confusion of the sky in Wonderland, The jumbled up way in which the day would set itself out. She'd lay with her hands stretched above her head in the cotton gentle grass and watch as the sky would change from the soft lights of the midday to the fire light dawn in a matter of minutes. On some occasions she would fall asleep under the warm stars of the summer and wake up to the onsetting chill of an Autumn afternoon. However dazzling the sky appeared- in that moment it served as a painful reminder that she wasn't home. Her book slid from her lap with a light thud as she twisted the ring on her little finger- The rainbow coating shining in the dull light of the fire. As long as she wore this ring she had eternal permission to stay in Wonderland, the very moment the ring is removed so is she. Her heart ached at the thought of leaving this wonderful place and yet the thought of never seeing England again also ached. Her heart felt heavy with the decision she thought she had already made.

"Little Lamb?" a soft voice interjected her thoughts. She could hear the clanging of tea cups on a tray and for the first time that day her heart lifted. She watched as the man set the tray down on the small table next to a slightly larger than single bed and crossed the room to her without making a single noise.

"You didn't like it?" He puzzled as he knelt before her, his long slender fingers wrapping themselves around the spine of the book she hadn't realised had fallen to the ground.

"I did, very much, I guess my thoughts just ran away with me again" She said with a smile that was as much genuine as it was forced. That drunkard had made her despise men to the point where she had purposely said outlandish things in topical conversation, The thought of being a wordless baby maker had driven her into a rage so deep that day she had spent the last ten years inside it. The man knelt before her had forced her back out into the calm.

"I've been kidnapped by thought on more than one occasion too" He mused to no one in particular, his eyes still on the book. She gigged to herself, More than 'on occasion' was an understatement. His mind was like a labyrinth of varying degrees of insanity and perfect and utter wisdom. In other words he is mad, Yet Alice is the maddest of the two for falling in love with the man. His bravery and leadership had been the staple in which the rebellion against the Red Queen had relied upon, a magnificent strategist in moments of clarity and a fearsome warrior when not. Although his brains and ability with a weapon wasn't what had drawn her to him neither was his bravery or ability to lead an attack on a bee hive with the bees who resided there. No. she had fallen for his compassion and loyalty to the people of Wonderland, Even a mad man could lead an army to victory when he had something to fight for.

At one moment in the battle Alice had been driven to madness by the thought of losing him. She hadn't, the moment he emerged victorious was the moment Alice made her decision. She would stay by his side until he loved her the way she loved him. From time to time he still confuses her with his last love, Alice understood why he did but it was always a bitter sting. After all Elica Diamond and Alice Liddell were similar; both of them had long blond hair with light blue eyes, Both stood at a tiny five foot four inches and both had pale skin and pink lips. Not to mention Elica Diamond's maiden name was Dildell. Alice would get confused to if she wasn't in fact Alice, she could only imagine trying to unscramble their identities inside of his head. Perhaps Elica marrying the Knight of hearts and taking over the Queendom as the newly appointed White Queen has helped untwist him a little, But Alice could never be truly sure.

"Are you ill?" he whispered, His fingers stroked her cheek gently as she was ebbed back out of thought for the second time that sky had dipped back into darkness, It was winter now to.

"Just a little cold" she responded, He didn't need to know her true thoughts and indecisions on England or her resentment for Elica. Anything that could further confuse the man on his feelings for her were not a section of the labyrinth she was confident enough to venture into.

"Perhaps you should sleep my dear, you look a little worn out. Escaping your thoughts can leave one drained" Her heart jumped. somewhere inside his head he could always seem to land on the problem. He'd managed it every time Alice was troubled. Another reason she loved the man. He understood her far more clearly than she understood him. The night in the encampment hidden in the talking forest, the night before the battle, entered her mind. She was ridden with anxiety at being a champion, she had never even lifted a sword before and yet these people had expected her to ride into battle. If they had been scared then she had been petrified. The moment fear had gripped her so had he.

" _I just need some water"_ Alice had lied as she tried to push past him. Escaping was Wonderland was the only thing she had wanted that night, Staying had in this war zone never crossed her mind.

" _I too need a drink. The creek at the bottom of the camp has water and so does the lake across the glade, Only one is overcrowded by people who need it to survive and the other is much larger and deserted. we could drink from the creek because the journey isn't as long or together we could go to the lake and appreciate the drink more. which is it Alice?"_ She had stayed and the rebellion won and now she was drinking from the lake, but that still didn't mean she doesn't miss the creek.

"Will you stay with me again?" Alice asked as she climbed to her feet. He was much taller than she was so she'd have to look up to see his beautiful face. Using his thumb and pointer to angle her face up to his he placed his lips softly on hers.

"If that is what you'd like princess" he cooed. Alice's heart dropped, he wasn't seeing Alice through his confused lilac eyes he was seeing Elica. In times like these Alice would only hold him to her, hoping his mind would untangle and he would see Alice again. But tonight Alice would rather be Elica - The princess who belongs.

The smallish bed creaked under the weight of the entwined pair, Alice had given herself to the man many times before - loving him with her body as best as the inexperienced girl could. His wondering lips had found their way to hers and encased them in kisses that tasted of lemon cake and other confectionary. His smooth skin brushed against hers making her own tingle, His safe hands traveled her slender body stopping only when he would feel her shiver beneath him. the seasons had changed many times before the pair had come to a satisfying conclusion. Breathless and grinning, he propped himself up onto his elbows, the bed wasn't big enough for him to lay next to her - She didn't mind she wasn't ready to let go of him in this moment anyway. Elica or Alice she just wanted to stay close to him, if only for a few moments more.

"Don't you know I love you?" he whispered softly brushing the loose blond hair, made golden by the fire light, off of her fore head. her stomach wound itself into knots. Of course she was Elica to him, She would always be Elica. He had loved her so deeply that he staged a rebellion against a Queen and her army for her, a fact Alice hadn't forgotten. Her mind wandered to that intimate moment she had witnessed between the pair - right after Elica had been crowned Queen. Alice, being the guest of honor, had slipped away from the adoring crowd - she was looking for him. Wandering room to room, each room changing and morphing into a landscape or season that an English girl like Alice couldn't understand - one minute she was in a long marble hallway the next she was standing in a room with the width and length of four football pitches with snow falling from the vanishing ceiling onto trees that smelt like sweets, where Alice came from outside was outside and inside was inside - painfully ordinary by wonderland standards or was it simply unordinary?. She'd just decided that he couldn't possibly stand the cold in here for more than a few seconds when she heard soft voices. She peeked, her feet making no sound in the unusually warm, soft snow.

She missed the conversation but she didn't need to hear it, what she saw was proof of what she had always suspected. He wiped the loose blond strands from off of her forehead, his back had been to her but his actions were gentle and soft - like the salty tear that has escaped Alice's eyes - Elica looked so blissfully comfortable with his touch as she looked up at him with soft-loving eyes. Then she leaned in and touched their lips together. Alice had ran before they had touched lips but her imagination had already betrayed her. She imagined them stood with arms wrapped so tightly around each other, Elicas soft moans as she stole all of what Alice had never thought she'd want, He would run his fingers down her back and smile with a soft look that had melted Alice's heart so many times - Only it was for Elica, it had always been for Elica.

the memory stung Alice's eyes with tears, She ran her thumb across his lips - the tears beginning to fall. She had lied to herself. it had always mattered, She wasn't Elica she was Alice always Alice and she was only ever going to be Alice. She felt the pain of it flow through her as she finally allowed herself to feel what she had told herself was a lie.

"Why do you cry princess?" he whispered softly. It hurt, it hurts so much that Alice couldn't take it. She loved him, loves him with every ounce of her and yet he loved another and through his eyes she had became that other. She had told herself that it didn't matter as long as he was looking at her and only her, but she had slowly come to realise that it did matter. Even if his lilac eyes were staring at her they didn't always see her. and that had become so unbearably miserable without Alice's consent.

"I can't be anyone else, I don't know how" she cried as she let it all out.

"I'm the one they call mad yet you're not making much sense at all, of course you're you who else would you be?" He asked with an inquisitive tone. He brushed her wet cheek with his, stopping close by her ear. she felt his sweet breath brush against her skin. "You're Alice, My dear beloved Alice… I'll go completely mad if you leave" he whispered with a sincerity that stopped Alice's breath in her throat. Her eyes widened. Alice he had called her Alice, not only Alice, but his beloved Alice.

"A-Alice?" she stammered, she gripped his back as though she feared he would float away if she loosed her grip. "You called me Alice?".

"Well of course princess, who else could you possibly be other than Alice?" he asked as he looked her in her blue watered blue eyes. Tears welled up again.

"You're right Hatta, I can only be Alice. Your Alice" she whispered through another round of tears. Maybe once he had Elica in his heart the same way Alice had England in hers but like Wonderland had became her new home, Alice had became Hatta's new love. And as long as he looked at Alice as Alice then she would never be miserable again.

"I wouldn't want you to be anyone else because after all..." he purred as he dropped his lips to hers and kissed her with a gentle forcefulness.

"I'm Alice of Wonderland"


End file.
